I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
