The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
