eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
