I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
