My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
