Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
