Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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