those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
