He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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