the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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