waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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