Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
