I forgot how hot balto sounded
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize