Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
