1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
