then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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