My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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