there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
