so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
