I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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