we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
