I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
