get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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