just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize