I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
