Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
