'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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