You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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