I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
