i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
