were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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