she woke up with a sticky ear
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
