Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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