are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
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