I'm gonna have a badass scar
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
