Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
