Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Randomize
