I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
