Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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