Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
