I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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