We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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