Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
