I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
