She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
