I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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