I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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