Me. At least after what I've been through.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
