I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
