he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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