Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize