if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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