I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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