my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
