And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize