did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
