and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
