so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize