im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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