He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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