Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
