and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
