I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
