I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
