Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
So here I am, sexting at work.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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