Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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