Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
