I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
