So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
