i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My liver just broke up with me...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
