Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
