I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
