he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize