i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
