I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
