Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
