i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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