On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
