I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize