he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
