Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
