You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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