You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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