Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
