If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
